The Year in Sports

Some Hard Learner Highlights from The Fightin' Hard Learner Seafarin' Seagulls (The Gray Tide)

ANNOUNCER
 ...the Hard Learner Gray Tide, coming off a record 60 recruiting violations, looking to recapture some of the glory of the 1985 Cinderella season--striker John Havenkamp, a red-shirt freshman from Abita Springs, moves to the outside, he's got an empty net--and he...picks up the ball with his hands. That's a tough break. These Hard Learner footballers play with little discipline and keep touching the ball, a disappointing mental error that's plagued them all season. If only he'd just kicked the ball...the Gray Tide takes a time out, which means it's time for us to let you know about some of the fantastic educational deals at the Hard Learner Continuing Education Center...

ANNOUNCER
 ...and now at the half, the Fighting Hard Learner Lady Gulls are down by 24--there's a foul on the play. Apparently, apparently, someone's been stabbed near the free throw line... (brings up promo music) While there's a break in the action here, have you considered a Hard Learner Educational Gift Certificate for Mom, Dad or Sis?...

ANNOUNCER
 ...these Biathaletes have trained all year up north in Monroe, shooting, skiing and shooting some more....the Hard Learner Gulls really are good shots, especially the Mayo brothers who were acquitted, some say unfairly, last year in the armed robbery of a St. Bernard Mailboxes Etc. that ended in a shootout with police behind the Krispy Kreme...

ANNOUNCER
 ...the Hardlearner Dodge Ball team looks for its junior league conference threepeat...and there's a nice shot to the back of the head of third grader Todd Francis, who's having trouble getting up. Francis is on his feet now and he's having some words with Gray Tide enforcer Frank Murphy...Murphy is a 6'10 third grader with a pituitary condition out of Slidell Military Academy...

ANNOUNCER
You're listening to the Hard Learner Sports Network: Gull Fever...Catch It!