15 Second Theater Presents

The Precinct


Detective HAL JENKINS, 25-year veteran, NYPD. JENKINS recently divorced his third wife and suffers from severe stomach ulcers.

Detective JOHNNY FALCONE, hotshot rookie, NYPD. FALCONE is new to the precinct; inexperienced but eager. He speaks only in song titles from the first Ramones album.

Squad room, 15th Precinct, New York City Police Dept:

FALCONE is at his desk. JENKINS enters, pulling occasionally from a Pepto-Bismol bottle.

JENKINS: Did the lab come back with anything on that DOA?

FALCONE: I Don't Wanna Go Down To The Basement (2:37)

JENKINS: What's with you, kid? I asked you an hour ago to get those files! Forget it, we gotta go canvass the area on that deli shooting.

FALCONE: I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You (1:43)

JENKINS: You got a real smart mouth for a rookie, Falcone. Do it yourself, then. I gotta interview this skel in interrogation.

FALCONE: Beat On The Brat (2:31)

JENKINS: Don't I wish. Not with IA sniffing around.

FALCONE: Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue (1.35)

JENKINS stares.

FALCONE: I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend (2.15)

JENKINS: Why you gotta be bustin' my balls all the time? Wise up, kid. Look, I'm gonna roll this perp, then I want you to meet me back at the stakeout. You got it?

FALCONE: 53rd & 3rd (2.21)

JENKINS: Right. Now get outta here!